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So far I have enlightened the world with my thoughts on jealousy and self-esteem. I want to clear up any misunderstandings that may have some male people thinking that I am targeting only women here. Jealousy and self-esteem issues also can imprison  men as well as women. No one is excused from real human emotions. Emotions know no face, color, size or gender. There are two victims here, not just one.

I also feel that I have neglected to reveal how the other party involved in a relationship that suffers from jealousy or self-esteem issues also suffers.

A relationship is a partnership. It is a commitment made between two people, in that we will stand by each other through thick and thin. Unfortunately, when it is a jealousy issue, both parties are effected. We tend to focus on the person that is trapped in the prison of worry, more than the other person that is caught in the line of fire, partly because we need to free that side first, then we can help heal the other.

Well I am now going to share that persons prison of hell as well.

To be accused and mistrusted by the one you love is a hardship and a definite pain that one cannot bear for a long time. They eventually either walk away or take a stand and call out to you, (the attacker) to please stop; to please listen to what you are saying and accusing them of.

Time after time they try so hard to reassure you that they do love you and that they are not interested nor lusting for anyone else. When they try to tell you that it is all in your mind, they risk getting attacked more for defense. It is no doubt a vicious circle. They become paranoid that no matter where they are, you are already convinced that they have betrayed you in some way. They wait for the shoe to drop. Some times it takes a few days, some times it drops immediately. Never the less they have to sit by and worry about when it will drop. They fear that this time they will not be able to say the right thing. They fear we will get even more depressed and irrational with what they say to us. They begin to feel, “damned if they do, and damned if they don`t”. I personally hate that feeling. To think that I myself would put someone in that position makes me want to run away faster than Forrest Gump.

The neglect you put on that person through your jealous insecurities is as real to them as your feelings of being trapped in your prison of doubt. There are many scenarios as to why jealousy rises up inside people, but for the innocent ones that really do not ever do anything  to trigger that fear inside you, they are the innocent victims. People that have come to the point of identifying their issues and have began to deal with them, please remember the other person that is there with you. They too need special attention, because they have shared your fears and your pain. In a much different way, never the less, they still ache. Jealousy can destroy so many good things in ones lives. It can destroy our mate, through you, it kills the one thing that you love deeply. The worst part about it is, that you allow it. You must stop. Would you take a gun and shoot your mate? NOT!! So then why are you allowing this emotion to torture what is so dear to you? I repeat, as long as your mate is not responsible for your fears or if they have made amends and are trying to make things better, then please understand their pain of being mistrusted. When they see you in pain and they are being told it is because of them, they crumble. Your mate loves you as much as you love them, and to feel they are responsible for your trapped feelings eats them up inside. To see you smile and feel totally loved makes them feel good about themselves in that they are responsible for that smile. That is a good feeling all the way around.

Also be careful not to fall into that habit of being unhappy through jealous feelings. Understand where they are coming from. Are you using them as a reason to get attention? Again, a wrong kind of attention. If you cannot get the right attention you feel you are lacking, then talk to your partner. Do not let jealous emotions take over and confuse what you really are trying to say.  Any weakness in your mind is a direct route for negative feelings to travel through. Once they get there, they work very quickly at bringing you down. So be aware of what exactly you are feeling.

I hope that I have at least opened up some thoughts in your minds as to what else is going on in a relationship that is plagued by jealousy. Both sides are equally being torchered and killed. We need to LIVE, LOVE & LAUGH more often with each other. Oh and lets not forget my favorite thing to do…HUGGGGGG!!!!

One thought from my heart to yours:

Say this outloud:

“I am always ready to risk.
I am always ready to learn.
I am always ready to test my strength, and so I put my worries aside and just live!”

Dorothy Lafrinere
Owner/Operator
Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com
Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy
Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com
email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com

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With the thousands of fragrances in the market, it can sometimes be tricky to choose the one that is perfect for your taste, personality, the occasion, and other factors. Check out the following basic tips that you may find useful when choosing and even wearing the perfect perfume for you.

1.    Determine your budget.

Perfumes are priced in a very big range, from very inexpensive colognes to luxurious designer brands. Determining your budget or the money you are prepared to spend beforehand will help narrow down the choices and will save you a lot of time.

2.    Know what particular smell you want and go for it.

Decide on what type of fragrance you want based on what use the perfume would be to you. For instance, is it for special occasions? Is it to please or seduce a lover? Is it for everyday wash and wear? If you plan to please someone, make sure to research on the particular fragrances he or she likes. If you want it to be an everyday whiff you can wear to work or school, you may want to buy a lighter and fresher scent. If it’s for big parties and formal events, choose a perfume that makes a stronger impact by blending well with your body chemistry.

Other factors like the weather or season are also important to consider. For instance, if you live in a very humid setting, floral fragrances with a woody or musky base often complement the sultry weather. If you’re often surrounded by a lot of people in near proximity, don’t choose a very strong perfume because not everyone likes perfume. Citrus, sea breeze and other herb and floral fragrances are often fresh and rejuvenating, perfect for someone always on the go. If you will be out on a date and want to heighten the romance, choose a scent that is a bit stronger but not overpowering. Usually oriental spices project confidence and sophistication. Meanwhile, aromatic blends are perfect for men who like to smell like a true man exuding with machismo and security.

3.    Examine carefully before buying.

When you’ve finally narrowed down your choices and you’re ready to go to a perfume shop, don’t forget to carefully examine each perfume you fancy before getting ahead of yourself and purchasing. Take note that your nose can only handle so much and testing 20 perfumes consecutively will prove to be futile. Before you start spraying a perfume on your wrist, spray it first on a card or paper and decide if you like it. If not, move on to the next. Once you find a scent you think is perfect, start testing it on your body. Apply a small amount on your wrist or at the back of your arm. Sometimes the saleslady will offer to apply some in her own skin and have you smell it. This is a no-no because each of us reacts to perfumes in different ways. Make sure the perfume is perfect for you by putting it on your own skin. Wait for a few minutes because fragrances start to grow on you and smell different after a while.

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